Between Bipolar is a blog about living with mania and depression. I can help people with their own mental illness, offering advice, a voice and support.
You will learn how I have coped with these and other stresses of my life. As an advocate I have written and chosen selected material to help aid in your health and financial well being and learn something new that may help you in your own personal journey. Having a disability doesn't mean your life is over.
Yeah I had a mental breakdown two nights ago. I hid myself under my covers in bed all night, stayed in bed from 7pm till 11am the next morning....I was irritable and very emotionally and mentally unstable. Better today, but not by much. All has to do with finances and what is gonna happen to me as a result of a lawsuit. Found out our home is in jeopardy and gonna have to move again in middle of winter at the end of our lease cuz the landlord is gonna sell the house...so we are stuck either buying the house as a result of a settlement I might get but I want it in my name completely if I am gonna use all my monies from the settlement on the house. Got into big argument over this and it put me in a whirlwind and downhill spiral till I broke and became distant, silent and absent from normal life for almost 2 days. I should have been hospitalized, it was that bad.
Anyway, now other options have surfaced and perhaps another route can be managed for us to purchase this house. We hope at least.
Well it's been a little over a week now and my jack russell terrier seems to be on the mend. He is pooping more solidly lately because of his diet alone. I have been feeding him plain white rice (minute rice) as well as beef, and puree pumpkin. His poop seems more solid and less runny. He likes the taste of the new food and has thrown it up only once. He threw up about half of his meal yesterday after 3-5 hours of digestion.
His drinking water is good, as he is keeping hydrated. His temper is good, his activity hasn't waned. He hasn't made any funny noises when trying to poop diarrhea for the last 2 days. Orion seems to be doing better. He is still smelling by passing gas. Not sure if it is the diet now or just his glands. His bum hole is kinda exposed, moist and pink - never got red or bleeding.
I researched online for sources of relief of his diarrhea before I even contemplated calling or bringing him to the vet. I just don't have that cash necessary for recommendations by the vet. He doesn't seem to have worms or bleeding, so that is good. The only thing that worried me is the fact that he went for a week of diarrhea, now he is used to going poop, and going again for the rest of whatever is inside him, so he tries so much to go again right away and then he is back to eating his bum hole, while outside and very frequently inside the house.
Overall I am happy with Orion's progess and will keep up with his feeding schedule of two to three times a day of this combination of food. Hopefully he will snap out of it. For he is not in the clear yet. His poop is dark brown, but thinner than usual and he doesn't seem to be pooping such big loads, just like a poop that curls as it comes out. And it seems to come out in two loads rather than just one big load at once. I will keep an eye on him and keep this diet up for the rest of the week. I am going to reintroduce his lamb and rice drydog food again, as he has been eating cat food, out of preference for some time now, over two years....
MY dog has been throwing up and has diarrhea since Sunday of this week. I feel bad because last night I had to keep him in his cage downstairs while I slept upstairs. Orion usually sleeps with me in bed at night. He kept throwing up water though on my pillow and mattress. I couldn't let him keep doing that since I kept waking up and having to put him on the floor so he wouldn't keep spreading regurgitated water on the bed.
I hope he is okay. I really don't have to funds to bring him to the vet, so I am going to call his vet today to see if there is something I can do at home. I read that as long as he is going the bathroom and isn't shoing blood in his stool or puke that he might just has a stomach problem that could be cured with plain rice and chicken or some PeptoBismal.
I know that Theos, our shepard had thrown up a lot of water when he was nearing his death and so I fear the worst right about now. I mean, Orion is about 14 years old and just got all his rabies, distemper and kennel cough shots. His teeth aren't the best, but we haven't changed his food and I don't believe he got into something bad. I don't know.
Anyone out there have any comments or concerns that I should look into? Again, vet bills can be large and right now, the funds are just not there. He isn't throwing up the yellow mucus like when he eats grass. He is still eating dry food, wet food just today, he is drinking water and his energy is still there, although jack russell terriers have tons of energy anyway.
He didn't have any accidents in his cage last night, but did yesterday when we went to the store and we had to clean out his cage with the hose and so forth. He is lying on my pillow, calmly on my lap, resting his eyes. He is beautiful - I hope the end isn't near.
What do you do when you are depressed for days? I just hang around and try to pretend that everything is okay. I know it's not though. My head is like in a cloud and I pick my pillow case to hopefully relax and focus on life - I'm such an introvert though.
There hasn't been anything pleasant to do in days. I mean, I finished planting the garden yesterday. I watered it 3 times, and today right now, it's dreary outside, wet and cool. I don't have much to say.
I have been keeping up with my exercises, stretches and yoga styles using the Wii Fit, but that has really become boring to me. I struggle through starting it, but then I soon find myself near the end of it after 30 minutes. I haven't lost many pounds, just kinda sticking around the same weight and BMI.
What can I find to do to get me out of this depressed state? I just don't feel like doing anything but perhaps lying down, sleeping or just picking my pillow case and daydreaming.
There seems to be no cure in sight for my depression. I really would like to get off Wellbutrin and try an anti depressant. Just one of those trials that I would like to experience to see if anything else might work.
If you ever decide to go to Hampton beach, you should always try to get there by 9am. This is just wishful thinking in my house because we tend to get there on the beach by 12:30pm, like yesterday. First, we couldn't find parking because the Casino parking lot was full. We had to drive around the traffic twice, found a parking spot for $5 less than what we had on us, at $25 a day but we had to get in there by driving thru there out driveway. We didn't have to walk too far from the parking lot to our beach spot in front of the bathrooms, to meet my girlfriend's family.
Overall it was a terribly drive there, because we got into a fight, arguing over something stupid like shopping in the grocery store and how much time it takes to gather your purchases....then we had breakfast, or I had lunch at McDonald's, she had it from Dunkin Doughnuts. We were in traffic for about 30 minutes only which was good. Route 101E was rather empty.
We stayed on the beach, lying in the sun next to the water, well actually sitting in our lounge chairs by the water for 4-5 hours, keeping my dog at home in his small cage. We kept getting closer to the water as the tide rolled out. We kept our things up on the beach area, where they could stay dry. I used sunblock this time, and didn't get too burnt for a change. I feel warm today, but generally speaking, much more of a tan, rather than the time I just went to Las Vegas and burnt myself.
It's good to get in the sun and absorb some of that Vitamin D sunlight. It does a body good, so does looking at strangers, just observing their movements, except for when they try to play football, catching the ball near you so that the ball falls almost into your lap or hits your head like it did perhaps 3 times today. I don't like it when someone tries to fly a kite near you either, not with the wind as strong as it was.....too many people, are people just selfish?? Someone is gonna get knocked out one of these days.
Anyway, glad I got some sun, it was refreshing to place our feet in the water on the edge of the beach and relax and stare but I am happy that it is done with. I feel much better staying home for some reason, just don't like crowds of people too much.
I found a way to promote this web blog yesterday through htttp://www.everydayhealth.com. There seems to be a lot of information on that site regarding health issues, including bipolar disorder. However there hasn't been anyone who has stated anything through that portal of bipolar. I may be the first one to record anything. So, even its beginning phases I might be able to changes some lives through this other portal. Although this will be my main homepage, I will seek out such other health sites and promote this site.
How do get the word out there - about me? It seems our choices are rather limited. I would hope that any followers on this web blog would inform me of other potential gold mines in which I could spread the word so to speak, and advocate for other bipolars in NH. I have just reached the tip of the iceberg.
Hopefully my blog is worth reading enough to others as I hope it to be and that my life can help change another's simply by continuing to be loyal to my fans and writing in my blog daily. Although there may be junk or stuff that people won't care to read, they would be able to sift through the rubble or previous blog posts and find that some written articles were of use to them and their situation. We all go through tough times, I just hope that some people can relate to my issues and perhaps through dialogue I can help them persevere with bipolar in NH.
I am watching a documentary about what would life be like without the moon. I have learned that the moon was formed by a collision with earth mark 1 - that 2 collisions actually hit earth mark 1 forming earth mark 2 and leaving us our moon which is so very important for us to be here.
I have always loved our moon. Without it, we wouldn't be here. Life wouldn't be anything like we know it, no humans. Earth mark 1 would be one of just one big ocean. Possibly cephalapods, octopus and squid were the smart organisms possibly on the earth at the time. We know that this collision with a mass called Orpheus could have had life on it as well.
We do know that the moon was formed by this collision of Orpheus which hit Earth near Greenland, off center. The moon is moving away from us about an inch every year. Soon, this move will cause the earth to rotate closer with a wobble that gets ever increasing. It would cause huge climate changes.
Anyway, we all should be so thankful that we have such a great celestial object in the sky - what we call our moon. From here we could launch spacecraft that would cost 100 times less to launch due to the lower gravity on the moon. We could settle there is we find that there is ice at one of the caps. We could have a civilization and finally break the travel barrier and have man fly throughout the solar system, going to Jupiter perhaps via a steam producing spaceship headed towards Europa to supply us with more steam fuel because it is an icy moon.
There are so many things we can harness by using our moon, and I hope that in my lifetime I am able to experience going to the moon and perhaps a flight into the solar system. We have so many scientists and technology now that would be able to create such a thing and make it a reality. I love our moon.
It provides light during the nighttime and carries the earth in a blanket that gentle tugs at it to keep the earth's axis from spinning out of control. We owe much gratitude to God who made this possible, this collision and life as we know it. Such a terrific special occurrence caused us to be here today. We owe our very existence to the moon.
According to my dream dictionary my dream that I just awoke from was about my past memories and experiences, hiding from external feelings, conflict from my own gender or sexuality. There was a direct expression of a fear that is threatening my confidence.
It was about me running away from several guys who were going to kill me, in this dream of being chased I somehow are able to coerce the attackers into letting me not be killed and instead me joining them. They had an axe and other weapons. This depicts my internalizing my own aggression of hurts or past fears or fear of being hurt.
I ended up having sex with them, I think they were all men. Oral sex, that is, to appease them. We searched for others to kill, we hid in a barn in the top floor, we were hunted ourselves.
It was a very intense dream that disturbs me. Of course the reference to homosexuality bothers me since I was raped by men and right now my sexuality in real life is at a standstill. It bothers my girlfriend and yesterday she mentioned it again, as a point of something she wants changed, rather soon. All I could do was listen, for I didn't have all the answers and never do anymore. Most nights are filled with dreams liek these, that are vivid and affect my daytime greatly. It sets me off on a tangent for the rest of the day as I painstakingly try to forget what has just happened or what I have just visualized.
There is a medication that is supposed to stop these dreams called Prazosin, which I haven't yet taken because of costs of medication. I have doubts about a pill being able to control what kind of dreams I don't have, so I am not so apt to go out and get it right away. I guess I will have to live with these dreams a little longer.
It's been raining literally since the beginning of June 2009. Almost everyday last month it has rained, pouring out. I cannot believe how much water has fallen from the sky this month. The temperatures have been mild at best and the summer doesn't even seem to have started yet!
We finished planting our garden a few days ago, we do have a few more potted vegetables to plant, but for the most part they are completed. I hope they don't drown. I just heard another thundercloud overhead roaring.
This is purely ridiculous. We don't live in the northwestern part of the US, we live in crazy New England. I just want summer to start soon. I mean, even the air conditions need to run, because of the humidity outside, but it's raining, what's it worth to keep the air on if it's not even sunny outside.
The fourth of July is supposed to be fairly warm, about 80 degrees, cloudy though, chance of a storm. Every day seems like a storm. Our garden better survive. I think it will despite the rain because the seeds have already had a chance to grow while in the pots. This year we didn't seem to get the chance to plant seeds because of all this moisture.
Anyway, rain is good for the soil and soul, but enough already, where's our sun?
I started two groups to help promote this website. The first one is Between Bipolar by the Yahoosearch engine. The second is NH Bipolar Advocacy by the google search engine.
I am aiming at promoting advocacy through helping other bipolars with their ability to obtain social security disability benefits (if they do qualify). Simply having bipolar disorder is not enough to obtain the benefits, however I want to make people aware that their are benefits out there, especially to people of NH, USA.
I don't suppose this web blog will be popular anytime soon, as Bipolar Disorder is not so specialized, but advocating for people in NH, with bipolar for social security disability benefits is specialized. I will maintain those two web groups as well as this web blog until I see progress in popularity and membership. My goal in the first year is to find ways to promote my site and doing so online is one avenue. I should go to several outlets, or places where I've been treated for bipolar and leave resources there, either with people I've dealt with or even on the bulletin boards on their walls.
In the first year, I don't expect a high level of membership, although it would be nice. I'd like to have a small goal of obtaining perhaps 12 followers. One for each month I am writing in the first year.
These web groups are open to anyone, especially those who live in NH seeking social security benefits. I figure that I might be able to advocate for those who have sought out sources that require payment. No one should have to pay for benefits that they would get for free, if they were nudged a little and had patience and the willingness to learn a little first. I never had to pay anyone to obtain the over $1400/month I receive. So, my goal is to really promote these groups so that bipolars of NH have a free resource at their fingertips.
I am sure that followers of this website won't just be seeking out advice or advocacy, I am certain that other professionals will give their two cents in as well, maybe help me and them along the way. You will find links to these groups on this website along side the right column. Just click on the link or add your email to the membership in the space provided and you're in.
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